I should have spotted the red flags. Maybe I could have avoided all of that trauma?
A decade ago, my narcissistic boss showed his true colours.
He started off as a ‘nice manager’:
↘ told us about his past stories especially about his ex-wife
↘ kept talking about how he met his new wife
↘ talked about an unfortunate miscarriage his ex-wife had
↘ asked about everyone’s personal life to show he cared
↘ booked plenty of catchup meetings to allow everyone’s voices to heard but didn’t really want to hear what we had to say
↘ dictated almost everything even to where people sat. Was it just burning passion for his business or should I have realised this was odd behaviour?
What happened next connected the dots.
Sadly, I suffered an unfortunate miscarriage that year. I took a few days out of work and my boss became increasingly annoyed at my ‘sickness absence’. I had to tell him why I was ‘unwell’. He’d support me right?
WRONG!
This narcissistic boss threatened to have my job if I didn’t return to work. He spoke of his company needing employees at work. He believed that the time off I had “should’ve resolved my issue”. He bullied me for having to be off work to recover from a miscarriage.
No support or compassion for what I had gone through. And if you remember from above, he and his ex-wife actually experienced the same.
Of course, I resigned. When I resigned he continued to bully me and he rejected my resignation- said I should rethink it and come back next week! No recognition for his own behaviour.
This experience developed into trauma and I kept the story close to my heart for a decade. I don’t know why I didn’t talk about this story for years. Perhaps I never truly got over it. But it did shape my career.
This experience led me to my career in HR and leadership.
I don’t owe anything to him, of course. I owe everything to God and what I do understand is that all of our paths lead us to where we are today.
If you’re a manager, team leader, business owner or anybody who has influence of others at work then please take the time to educate yourselves on leadership abilities.
HR is everything for a business. It’s how you operate as an employer to avoid tribunals and retain great staff. Leadership is about understanding those HR initiatives to really make a difference in others lives and position yourself as a person of influence- this is huge. People remember this and it could shape their lives, good or bad.
Founder of HR Habitat, award winner of "Best HR & Employment Law Consultancy, 2024" title. As featured in BBC Oline, BBC Asian Network Radio, Telegraph & more.
